When you say it, mean it.
Children want to feel safe! We all do. When we hold true to what we tell our children, they feel safe, loved and cared for.
Photo by Kate Gundareva : https://www.pexels.com/photo/grayscale-photo-of-woman-carrying-a-shirtless-child-8548516/
When we threaten, especially with things we won’t follow through with, our children feel unsafe, out of control and insecure.
“If you do that again, I will lock you in your room for a month.”
“If you say bad words, I will make you eat a bar of soap.”
When our children misbehave we need to put ourselves in the teaching mode. Ask yourself, what do I want my child to learn?
“When you do that, then you…” try to find a natural consequence for the behavior.
“When you say things like that, then…” find the natural consequence.
When a child does something you don’t want, let’s use the example: they take a toy from their sibling. Give them a choice, an opportunity to make it right. Say something like, “the toy belongs to your brother, you need to return it.” IF they do not return it, “Say something like, “you can give it to your brother, or I will. Make a good choice.” IF they do not return it, you will need to follow through and take the toy and return it to the brother. Crying and fussing doesn’t matter.
When you say it, then you must follow through. Live through any melt down. None of us like to be in trouble, none of us want to give up what we want. BUT, our children need to know we mean what we say. That we will follow through. That we will make them feel safe and secure.
Think about what you will take away from your children when they act certain ways. One thing for sure is, if we are threatening them, it means there is a behavior that is happening over and over and we will have another chance to use our skills to change the behavior. Make a plan as to what would be the natural consequence. Think about how to change the behavior.
You do what say you are going to do, and you say what mean.
This is a central foundation to my own value system.
https://equipforlifecoaching.com/2022/do-what-you-say-say-what-you-mean/
When we don’t follow through, we will certainly have many more opportunities to do it again.
