What I want… rather than… what I don’t want!
Parenting is hard. Relationships are hard. Staying at home, raising your kids is tough. Going to work, raising your kids is tough.
Sometimes it is important to take a moment and ask yourSELF - What do I want?
It sometimes seems easier to come up with what we don’t want and truly, there is a negative connotation with the word don’t. “Don’t do that,” is usually associated with a raised voice, an attempt to get someone’s attention and those on the receiving end hear panic, anger, judgement etc.
Using the words “I want" is a skill, a tool in getting ourSELF to think about what we really want and places us in a more positive mindset of taking care of ourSELF and in turn taking care of those around us. It helps us make a plan. So, ask yourSELF, “What do you want?… rather than “What you don’t want.”
Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano : https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-sitting-together-in-front-of-table-951290/
When you say “ I don’t want you to leave your wet towel on the floor!” there is an immediate negative, defensive nature the other person takes on. Usually. Instead, you could say, “I want to see wet towels hanging up to dry rather than see them on the floor!” You are more likely to be heard.
When you say, “ I want to (leaving out the word you)…” there is no negative feeling or need to defend.
“I don’t want to get home and not have a minute to regroup before the kids are all over me and I am needed for a list of things to do. I’m tired and I can’t even get a break!” Listen to the voice…
“I want to come home and have 10 minutes to regroup and then I’ll be ready for my amazing kids, and you, as we spend the evening together.” Listen to the voice…
When things feel out of control, make a plan… What will that 10 minutes look like? Of course your kids are going to be excited to see you and want to be with you. Your spouse too. You wouldn’t want it any other way. So, how do you get what you want? What is the compromise? What makes sense?
Do you start with hugs all around? Set a timer? You get at least 10minutes and then maybe your spouse can have 10?!? Make a plan. Try it for a week and revisit the results, tweak if necessary and try again.
